A Soldier That Smells Like Lilies
by taxidamask
Summary: All it took was a dream. A dream that made Eren feel like he was missing something when he woke up. Not missing something. Missing someone. The heart ache it left Eren when he woke up with wouldn't fade. A dream that had him wake up with tears in his eyes. A dream where he needed to find someone. And save them. And so, Eren decided he needed to make his dream a reality.


Eren woke up with tears in his eyes. This was the fifth time he's had the same dream this week. A pang of loss hit his heart, having him feel as if he was missing something. It was loneliness mixed with mourning.

The dream consisted of a shadow of a man in a field of flowers. The man seemed awfully familiar, but Eren couldn't place his finger on it. The most prominent flower in the field were lilies. The man smelled like daises in Eren's dream. That was his most defining trait. The scent of lilies would somehow stay in Eren's nose when he woke up.

The shadow would just stand there, like his whole soul was peering at Eren. Judging him. In a way, saying that Eren could have saved him. From what or who, Eren had no idea. And every time Eren got close, the shadow would step back and away from him, increasing their distance.

They would silently watch each other until Eren woke up. And when Eren woke up, his heart ached and his eyes were crusty from evidently crying in his sleep. The beautiful shadow kept haunting him and was relentless. After having that dream countless of times, Eren decided he needed to find that field. But he wasn't sure how.

However, the next time he had the dream, he decided to attempt to speak to the shadow. "Who are you?" He called out.

Silence.

"Do I know you?"

Even more silence.

Frustrated at being ignored, Eren yelled, "What do you want from me?"

"..."

"How can I find you?" Now he was screaming. Screaming because he needed an answer. Because he had to find out who this stranger was. Because he had to stop this feeling of forlornness.

The shadow, with a deep voice, answered curtly, "The place you visited most as a child. Your hiding spot." And just like that, he walked away just like he would in the other dreams.

Eren woke up, in shock that he got an answer. The place he visited most as a child? Where could that be?

Weeks passed with Eren solely focusing on where that spot could be. It finally hit him. The secret lily field behind his old house. Only he knew about it. He hadn't been there for years. He immediately called his parents to ask where it was and his friends for a ride. They were skeptical, but believed Eren and didn't question him when he said he had to go.

Pulling up to the old house, Eren opened the car door and ran before Mikasa could even put the car into park. And when he saw it from afar, the memories came flooding back to Eren. They slapped him in the face. He stood there, astounded.

Eren couldn't recognize the field from his dream. He couldn't recognize the field he used to play in either. The flowers in the field were all dead, not their beautiful colors anymore. Just an ugly brown stretched out for miles and miles. The fireflies that used to dance when dusk hit were nowhere to be seen as well.

And Eren didn't see the shadow he became familiar with. The only thing to be seen was just a gravestone. And on the bottom of the gravestone, were fresh lilies laid out.

After much contemplation, Eren broke the silence. "Hey Corporal. I didn't really expect this. I don't know what to say. I guess I can start off by saying I can't believe I forgot all those memories of fighting those Titans. I somehow managed to survive and be reborn. Mikasa and Armin have as well but I doubt they remember. They're in the car right now. We somehow found our way back to each other and became friends again. Just like how I found my way back to you," he started to whisper carefully.

"I've changed a lot. I'm not that 15 year old dumb kid who fights everyone for looking at him wrong and everything they see. I'm not that vicious and tall monster anymore. Hell, I work at a bakery now. I'm far from that."

"I wonder where the others are at. I would like to see them. It seems like whoever survived got reincarnated. But you didn't survive. Zeke did get to you. If I knew what he was going to do, I wouldn't have been on his side. I would've chosen my future lover over my brother. I would've loved to see you the most. We could have made so many memories," his voice got louder and louder, and it was starting to quiver.

"But you're not here. You never were here with me. Couldn't you have survived? For me? Obviously it was never meant to be. So stop haunting my dreams. Get out of my life. Let me move on. Goodbye." Eren said with a hardened and final tone. To add emphasis, he destroyed the lilies that someone placed before him. He wanted to destroy out of sadness. So he did destroy. Because if he wasn't mad, he'd cry.

Eren stood up and looked at the mess of flowers, feeling satisfied. Just like his heart, the lilies have been torn up. He looked at the headstone. "Goodbye, Levi." He repeated once more, this time more softly.

He went back to the car. His friends hesitant to ask what happened, but ultimately decided not to. Tears poured down his face when the car started moving again. His friends let him cry and cry, figuring that he'd tell them when he was ready. It was too much for Eren to tell them now.

That night, Eren went to sleep. And didn't have that dream. In fact, after that, he never dreamt again. It was pitch black every night when he was asleep. But he woke up with that same feeling. He never completely shook off that feeling. Even when he got married and moved on, the feeling never left

The feeling of regret. And the scent of lilies in his nose.


End file.
